Jackass 3-D: Even if you think Jackass is stupid (and prefer CNN blogs), Read This!
Posted: Thursday, October 28, 2010
by Brombergs 2 Cents
Jennifer's article noting the strong internet contingency regarding CNN blogs made me think of the contrast between that audience and the group of people that likely flock to see movies in the Jackass franchise. However, interestingly enough, this article may be one that the 'CNN blog audience' would appreciate.
Here's my take on the whole deal:
I am not a fan of Jackass and, as some of you noticed from my article on Sex and the City 2, sometimes entertaining writing can originate from subject matter that is found to be appalling. I always try hard to make a convincing argument for every film I enjoy or dislike. For Jackass, I offer you several points that I think are worth bringing to your attention as film (or media) watchers.
Okay, here we go:
Point #1
I like some slapstick. I grew up with Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoons. I love those cartoons and hope my children and my children's children watch those same cartoons. These cartoons had a point and, while simple, were well written. They were not disgusting or offensive, just watching a hungry coyote put together Acme products, such as rocket powered roller skates, to hopefully catch that fast-as-all-hell bird.
The franchise that is known as Jackass is an idea, it is a fad, and it is an MTV TV show for a year or two. Is it a feature film? Is it something worth spending 10 dollars a ticket on a Friday night? Heavens no.
Is it sad that the latest film has made over 50 million dollars? What does that say about our country? Yes, we barely have enough money to pay our bills, but I really want to pay to see people get their nuts smashed or flung into piles of poo.
Point #2
I understand that watching perverse acts and disgusting stunts can be entertaining for some people. Do we really need to see disgusting acts in 3-D? I mean, seriously, why not just pay your friend at the bar 5 bucks to stick his genitals in a bear-trap? He's already drank 3 beers and done a few shots, he won't feel much. This way you save some money by not going to the theater and it's also in 3-D! Right? Of course, right.
Point #3
This is not a date movie. If your girl enjoys this kind of film, run in the opposite direction as fast as you can, realize that that relationship is not going to happen, take that time to take up needlepoint, go skydiving, learn a trade, accept Jesus or some other deity, go on a roadtrip, hell even try Match.com, but know that that girl is messed up if she finds comfort in watching a bull ram a guy through a window. Ah yes, she'll laugh, and you'll say, "oh, I love this girl, she is as perverted as I am!" But then 5 months later you have a fight and you break up with her, only to find out that her enraged disposition will take those perverse acts that are in her head, courtesy of Jackass, and you are now the proud victim of some horrible physical contortionist act. Hey, I told you not to go out with her in the first place, didn't I?
These movies should ONLY be for goofy college students that have enough plasticity in their bones to actually try some of these things themselves and survive with nothing but a smile and a good story for the fraternity brothers. I know these are generalizations, but if you are a group of girls and you are going to see this film, you are probably in the minority and you likely have issues, and I pray for your boyfriends.
Point #4
This thing is popular. Why? Does it have good writing? Does it have good acting? Is there beautiful cinematography? I think we all know the answers to these questions. Jackass is popular because, at best, it is a guilty pleasure. It's like when you go to the county fair and get chocolate covered bacon, coated in powdered sugar, and deep fried a few more times. You eat it and it might taste good, but you know you'll have to get triple bypass surgery at some point in your life to make up for it. Jackass is nothing more than chocolate covered bacon: it may be funny and enjoyable, but at what cost? Perhaps the cost of a few intelligence points? Some of us may need bypass surgery on our brains in the future, no doubt.
I think we have learned a very important lesson here. Just because it gained a following as a cable TV show doesn't make it a candidate for cinema. If you disagree with me, then I DARE you to pay 10 bucks a ticket and sit at the theater during the entire running time of Jersey Shore: The Movie!
I hope what I just said remains to be a joke.
Knowing the way Hollywood execs are going, it'll be the next big multi-million dollar franchise. At that point, someone at Paramount (or whatever studio gives it the green light) needs to die a horrible and gruesome death.
Some of you will gladly pay good money to see pain, fecal matter, and bloody injuries come at you in glorious 3-D. For those people, I imagine you will get what you pay for and it will be a good film for you. For the rest of us, check out any other movie that is playing-almost any one will do. Please? Do it for your country? Do it for the troops? Do it for your children? Go see the Social Network, it is entertaining and not bad for your mental health.
Sex and the City 2
-Bromberg
Ha! Fame at last! Well, dis-honorable mention anyway. Gaaaaahhd I hate these kind of movies. In South Africa there's a brand by a producer or director Leon Schuster. It's toilet non-humor. Gross. But it grosses well at the box office.This sentence really made me laugh: "If your girl enjoys this kind of film, run in the opposite direction as fast as you can, realize that that relationship is not going to happen, take that time to take up needlepoint, go skydiving, learn a trade, accept Jesus or some other deity, go on a roadtrip..."Thanks Jennifer! Yeah I thought of CNN blogs when I was writing this, because it is such a stupid movie and pretty much nothing beneficial to our society at all. Anyway, glad I got a laugh out of you, hopefully more will follow. Always good to hear from you!
Hi B2C.This was very amusingly written. And don't worry, I have absolutely no desire to see anything in the Jackass franchise. But I do have a guilty pleasure to admit to: I like America's Funniest Home Videos. Mainly because I like to laugh. I don't like the videos where you are certain that someone was hurt, but I really like those that feature animals doing stupid animal things. Or people who think they can "ski" their 4-wheel ATVs over a small pond; one side to the other. Aack! Oh and have you ever taken a look at the Darwin Awards online? Makes you shake your head.Hugs, DianneI don't have any desire to see the Jackass films either, I just thought it would be fun to write about it. Yes America's Funniest Home Videos is another guilty pleasure of many, and I admit to watching it back in the Bob Saget days. I like the animal ones too, although it has to be really good for me to like it. I'll have to check out the Darwin Awards sometime, thanks for the tip. Hugs, Bromberg
When it comes to cartoons I was raised on Popeye the sailor. As far as today's movies, I don't care for them at all.Yes, I love the old Popeye cartoons too! I know movies like this make us all want to lose faith in cinema, but luckily some producers still have an eye for art and that is what keeps me writing. If we didn't have bad movies like this, then the good ones wouldn't seem so good. At least that is how I like to look at it. Thanks for stopping by David!
